Dear Mr. McConnell,
We are in receipt of your unusual request that we open our doors on a Saturday. As posted in clear language on our website, our business hours are 8 am to 5:30 pm, Monday to Friday.
That said, we are sympathetic to you plea. We note that you and your business partners have embarked on an entrepreneurial venture we initially deemed risky and unlikely to succeed. But through sound strategic planning, wise decision making, a clear-eyed recognition of your strengths and weaknesses, and your own managerial leadership, you have managed to outmaneuver the competition and are poised to drive them out of this regional market. We have been duly impressed and believe that with a bit more assistance, your success may go national. We recognize that this is a pivotal moment.
Additionally, we understand that you are requesting that we open for just a few seconds, and that you intend to run in and out -- literally. Accordingly, we are pleased to let you know that we will be taking the extraordinary step of opening our bank for a brief moment this afternoon so that you may withdraw the funds necessary to further your venture.
We wish you all the best.
Sincerely,
The Bank
P.S. Please convey our warmest regards to your business partner Omar. Dude's a goddamn BEAST on the block, yo.
(Post written by Shankar)
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